Pure Crack
by Ashori-Chan
Summary: The title is not a lie, all this really is... pure crack. Drabbles of all kinds. Still updating, even though it kinda died for awhile!
1. Chapter 1

**Erm... I have no idea, but I REALLY wanted to do these cracky DRRR!! drabbles for awhile now. So I finally did. Instead of doing my homework and Melt Chapter 3. Aren't I awesome?!**

**Oh, and there might be a Hatsune MikuxIzaya drabble soon. Blame it on the cracky Japanese fanart, okay? Yandere Miku and Izaya together would rule anyway!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!! Even if I did, there'd be more useless crack in it then awesomeness.**

**Pure crack 1**

**Shizuo finally gets back at Izaya.**

Shizuo randomly asked Celty for a favor one day.

"Celty, can I borrow your scythe? I keep on smelling rotten eggs." Shizuo was extremely calm saying this that it freaked Celty out.

Celty, being Celty, replied with an honest answer.

【Why would you want to cut "rotten eggs" with my scythe, Shizuo? 】

"No reason. It just sounds like fun. I get tired of swinging around stop signs, vending machines, and garbage cans."

Shocked, Celty started to type faster than normal.

【Well… I guess so, Shizuo. Just make sure you don't end up killing anybody with it. 】

Bringing out her scythe, Celty hesitated before giving it to Shizuo. Did she really want Izaya passed out on the street anyway? … Nevermind, Celty already hated Izaya.

"Thank you, Celty!" Walking off with scythe in his hand, Shizuo was humming to himself.

Okay, now Celty was extremely freaked out. Later on, Celty was proven wrong.

Shizuo ended up destroying the world with his rage. The end.

**These two should never, ever, ever, **_**ever**_** meet.**

Izaya liked Ikebuorko, however he likes Shibuya too. Simply because he could get lost in the crowd, and find teenager girls he could insult. _'You have too small of boobs!'_, _'Your __**really**__ ugly with thick glasses like that.~'_, _'Are you male or female?'_

"Ahhh!~ It's days like this that I love humans!" Skipping along the sidewalk, getting a few looks from people.

"Hee. Looks like you're enjoying Shibuya, Orihara Izaya." Said a voice that made Izaya put on his trolling smile.

"Yes, because all the humans here are so interesting.~" Izaya came closer to the boy, invading his personal space. "How come you know my name, little boy?~"

"Oh, I have my ways around Shibuya. Like looking up everyones name!" The boy was now grinning in glee.

"Wow, that's something that I thought only I did!~" Izaya started to dance around randomly. "Joshua, correct?~"

"You won't get away by trolling me, Izaya-Nyan." Joshua giggled, making Izaya stop dancing.

"Oh, really?~ I think that I can." Secretly taking out his pocketknife, Izaya was ready to cut the kid's blond hair all off.

"You won't cut all my hair off now with that pocketknife of yours now, will you Izaya-Nyan?" Giggling again, Joshua took out a gun that he had hidden in this pants pocket.

"Don't you think of shooting me with that gun, Joshua-Pon.~" Izaya teased.

"Well, I admit defeat, Izaya-Nyan. You got the best of me there." Joshua sighed, gun in his hand.

"I admit defeat too, Joshua-Pon.~" Izaya suddenly got this grin on his face. "How about we both partner up, and try to make humans weep for mercy under us?"

Pausing for a bit, Joshua nodded in agreement. "I think we should too, Izaya-Nyan. First we need to get rid of that 'Shizuo' that keeps on throwing vending machines at you."

"I can always make him my server. He's so easy to tick off after all.~" Izaya held out his hand, allowing Joshua to shake it. Which he did, hesitating to see if Izaya was holding his pocketknife or something else.

This is the time where we all run away, somewhere safe where Izaya and Joshua will _never_ find us.

**By the way, in case you haven't made the connection yet, Izaya and Joshua from The World Ends With You are _almost_ twins. In a sense. It's kinda funny.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for taking so long to upload this, my computer crashed. Again. |D I might not update Melt again, since I've forgotten most of the story, but I am working on a new fanfic, and I promise to still do this drabble series still! 8D**

**So, I'm sorry for the 3rd part in this but I made it up with the 4th and 5th parts. _(The 4th part is my favourite, only because it's canon.)_ Again no beta. Oh, and the song in the 3rd drabble is Rolling Girl by Hatsune Miku herself, it's a really good song, I highly recommend it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! or any of it's characters. I only do this for fun. I also do not own the song, Rolling Girl. Wowoka does. :D**

**Pure crack**

**There are no chapters for this fic. GET OVER IT.**

**3. This pairing would be epic, in a way where it's all wrong and stuff.**

_Rolling girl always looked at unreachable dreams._

_Making a fuss if you got inside her head and disturbed, disturbed._

"Waaaa! This is a new Miku song, isn't it?"

'_No problem' was murmured, but weren't those words lost?_

"Yeah, I think it is. It's yandere Miku!"

_Fail again, fail again. After ending your search for mistakes, it spins again._

"More like revengeful Miku."

"Doesn't that mean the same thing?"

_Once more, once more. _

_I'll also roll today. _

_That girl says, that girl says. _

_Playing her words with meaning._

Smiling, Orihara Izaya came up to the group of girls, and spun around in a dramatic way. "Nope! In the fabulous world of otakus, yandere means a revengeful lover who's somehow insane.~"

_Are you better now?_

_It's still ways off, I still don't see the point. I'm gonna stop my breathing now._

"Wh-What? When did you get here?" One of the two girls, sputtered out.

"Ohhhh, I was listening to the whole Miku-Chan conversation you were having.~ It's quite boring, since Miku is a robot created by lowlife humans that I love so much. I wish I could kill them, or better yet, dismantle Miku-Chan." I've long since gave up on Izaya and his pointless human banters. So, he scared away the girls away, them screaming _'KYYYYYAAAA!'_, _'AHHHHHH! MOMMY!'_

"Ahahahaha!~ Look at them run!" Izaya laughed and pointed at the two girls. He's no better then a twelve year old boy bullying a girl twice his size.

'_Don't forget to see Hatsune Miku live this Monday!'_ An announcer's voice spoke over a microphone. They have those all over Japan, don't ya know?

"Hmmm…~" Uh-oh, Izaya's thinking of doing something very, very, very bad.

**~Monday!~**

Sighing, as Miku got off the stage. Sometimes her fans were so energetic to her songs, and wanted a few encores. Despite being a robot, she still got tired.

"My, my. Quite the busy bee lately, huh?~" A man's voice said, hiding behind the shadows. "First Kyoto, Shibuya, and now Ikeburoko? I'm impressed that someone like you could go on tour so far away all the time, without many staff members on top of it!"

Turing around, Miku could kind of make out the man's coat, which looked fabulous, but nothing else. "Um, if you're one of Kaito's goony friends, or one of my fans, could you please go away?"

"Quite the opposite, Miku-Chan. I'm not one of your fans, more like one of the people who wishes that robots didn't exist, and wants to kill the lowlife humans that I love so who built them. That's all!~" The man stepped out of the shadows, smirking. "I'm Orihara Izaya, by the way Miku-Chan.

'_This man is… very strange. I wonder what he's been drinking?'_ More like what is Izaya on exactly. "U-Uh… what're you getting at, Orihara-San? I get that you hate me, but why kill the humans that made me?" Miku questioned, Izaya.

As Izaya shrugged, he carefully took out his pocketknife, and hid it behind his back. "It's because I love humans. Simple as that."

In one instant, Izaya had Miku penned to a wall, his knife to her throat, smiling like a true maniac. For some reason, Miku didn't struggle, or yelled out in surprise. In fact, she didn't do anything, Miku just stared at Izaya. For some reason, there was blood coming out of Miku, her skin was also soft.

"This is why I hate robots." Izaya murmured, taking the knife away from Miku's neck.

Looking down, and whispering so Izaya could barely hear. "I hate lowlife humans like you."

"… I'm a lowlife human to you? Ahahahaha!~" Laughing manically again, Izaya lifted up Miku's head, so that she was staring into his eyes. "Just face it, the humans that built you made a major mistake, they forgot to add a heart.~"

Twitching her fingers, Miku smiled evilly. Grabbing Izaya's coat, and putting her lips on his. Surprised, mostly because even Miku's lips and tongue was soft, but Izaya was also surprised that Miku kissed him.

【Izaya, you look a bit tired today. Something wrong? 】Celty typed on her cellphone.

Truthfully, Izaya was hurting all over. At times he was thankful to have a fabulous jacket, because he had scratches and bites all over his body, besides his hands and feet. That Miku sure put up a struggle.

"Ah, I had a huge fight with Shizzy-Chan the other day, I ran all over town teasing him while he threw things at me. I'm fine!~"

【You really need to stop teasing Shizuo around like that. 】Celty typed as she got on her bike, and rode away from the crazy man with scars, and bite marks all over himself.

**4. I'm pretty sure this would be considered canon.**

Izaya was known to troll, hard. But his greatest feat as The World's Number One Troll was writing Twilight, and having little girls and boys lust after Edward and Jacob. And sometimes Bella herself.

One day, Izaya decided to the world that he wrote Twilight. Mustering up the best English that he had, when isn't hard because Izaya spoke Russian, Japanese, and English, Izaya said very bluntly, while on the best goddamn stand you'll ever see made of SOLID GOLD, "I wrote Twilight, boys and girls! I wrote the story because I lost my girlfriend at the time. I was so sad that I wrote up Twilight in place of it, and sent it to an American publisher, using an attractive lady as my substitute. I didn't know it would be so popular in America, yet not so popular in Japan!"

All the while, someone back in Ikeboruko, threw his brand new TV ten-thousand Yen TV out the window. That someone? Shizuo. "IZ-A-YA!" Shizuo happened to be one of the very few Japanese who liked Twilight. The guy does know true love after all!

Mikado was shocked, even though he read Twilight. Anri was confused as she never read Twilight, not like that's a bad thing. Kida was trying to hold back laughter, because he hated Twilight.

Celty was as confused as Anri which really isn's a bad thing, like I typed before. Shinra was laughing his ass off, the guy needs to get laid. "G-Good one, Izaya-Kun!"

Simon didn't care, seeing as he was passing out paper for horrible sushi anyway. He's badass, I'm tellin' ya.

**5. Never, ever, let Mikado host a party celebrating something or the other.**

Mikado couldn't believe he'd let Izaya talk him into this. He couldn't believe that Izaya was rich either, but that was another story. To sum it all up, Izaya let (More like forced.) Mikado into hosting his own party, inviting everyone he knew in the short time he was in Tokyo. It feels like he'll get mobbed at any moment by a mad Izaya and Shizuo. Thankfully, there was Simon catering the party with disgusting Russian sushi.

'_Waaah. Izaya-San went all out. A karaoke machine, a DJ booth, a huge fruit punch bowl, a… is that a Black Rider ice sculpture?'_ Mikado looked around in the huge building Izaya reserved for Mikado's part. Mikado suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. _'WHY IS CELTY HERE? AND WHY IS SHIZUO-SAN LOOKING SO CALM?' _

Appearing behind Mikado, Izaya whispered in his ear as if reading his mind, "Why, Shizzy-Chan is friends with Cel-Chan!~"

Honestly, Mikado was so used to Izaya appearing behind him, it unfazed him. "Really? I never knew that."

"Shin-Chan would be pissed if I told him Shizzy-Chan liked Cel-Chan.~" Shrugging, Izaya went off and sung some karaoke with Erika and Walker. "Hey! Walker Texas Ranger!~ I want to sing the Hare Hare Yukai!"

"I thought I told you to stop calling me that, Izzy-Chan?" Walker questioned, while Erika burst out laughing.

Questioning who this Shinra person was, Kida came up to Mikado, reaking of the smell of wine. Izaya must of snuck some in the fruit punch bowl. Sheesh. "Mikado! I wants some cheese! Go fetch me some!" Clearly Kida had too much of the fruit punch/wine himself.

"K-Kida-Kun, why do you want some cheese?"

"Ta put it on this here sushi! Duh!~" Kida pointed at a regular old sushi roll.

"… Go ask Simon some. I don't know my way around here, Kida-Kun." Mikado pointed at Simon, who was inspecting his icky Russian Sushi.

"Okaaaaaaayyyy!~" With that, Kida walked smack into a wall. Passing out. He'll have a hangover tomorrow for sure. Izaya walked to Kida, and started poking him. Erika and Walker started to doodle on Kida's face. Wait… why did they start writing _'Death the Kid is yandere.~'_ on Kida's sweater?

Sighing, Mikado walked up to Celty and Shizuo. Hoping that they were the few sane ones at his AKA Izaya's party. As Mikado walked up to Celty, she got out her phone. Or was it something else entirely? Mikado didn't know either way.

【Hello Mikado-San! Are you… nevermind. Seeing your friend drunk isn't fun at all. 】

Nodding, Mikado sighed again, talking to himself. "Why did Izaya-San talk me into this exactly…?"

Mikado thought he saw Shizuo's eye twitch at Izaya's mention, but he dismissed it. "… That flea put you up to this shitty party?"

Surprised that Shizuo was talking to him, Mikado looked around and saw that Izaya was now singing _'Yellow Submarine'_ Oh God. His English was decent. "Y-Yeah. Izaya-San put me up to this uh… Shizuo-San. Oh! And don't drink the fruit punch, it seems like _someone _put wine or something in it." Once again, Shizuo's face twitched at the mention of Izaya.

Frowning, Shizuo walked over over to the fruit punch table and started… _to drink all of it?_ What the?

"W-W-Wah! What're you doing Shizuo-San?" Mikado asked, his eyes wide with shock.

Stopping, Shizuo started speaking. "I've drunk harder stuff then this, kid." Shizuo started to drink all the fruit punch again. They call him GARtender for nothing.

Walking up to Mikado, Celty started to type fast. 【Shizuo used to work as a bartender. I think he has a iron stomach along with being super strong…】

Shocked that Shizuo was a bartender before. Before Mikado could speak, Shizuo suddenly threw the glass bowl that one held the fruit punch/wine in it at Izaya. And for once he didn't miss. Izaya got out his pocketknife as Shizuo started to run up to him, punching Izaya's gut, sending him flying into a wall.

Typing fast again, Celty was almost pounding her phone. 【If anything, Shizuo's even stronger and more violent when he's drunk. 】Puasing to look at Izaya and Shizuo, she noticed that Shizuo was winning so far, kicking and punching Izaya. 【Ironically, Shizuo's also more accurate when he's drunk. We can't exactly do anything now. 】

Simon started to join in, and Shizuo started to fight him while Izaya was passed out on the floor. Erika and Walker were taking pictures with their cellphones, Kida was singing some Pink Floyd song, Celty was hesitating weather or not she should break it up, and the rest of the guests were rooting for Shizuo to win.

Needless to say, Shizuo won. He sent Simon flying with the karaoke machine. Afterwards, Shizuo came up to Celty and hugged her. "I love ya, Celty!"

Completely beyond words now, Mikado stared at Shizuo still hugging Celty. As Celty typed furiously, she shoved her phone in Shizuo's face, turning her face away. 【Don 't drink so much! And don't say such stupid stuff while you're drunk, Shizuo! 】Pausing to add more to her sentence, Celty seemed like she was blushing badly, despite not having a head. She once again shoved her phone in Shizuo's face, he still hadn't let go of her. 【Let go of me Shizuo!】

Izaya suddenly stood up as Shizuo let go of Celty, and started to sing, _'YMCA'_ for no reason other than to annoy Shizuo and get the crap beat out of him again. (Apparently, Shizuo likes older American rock bands. Not gay songs.)

What Izaya was surprised to find out, it was Mikado who punched him in the face. Annoyed at everything that Izaya has done to this party. "Izaya-San! This party sucks!"

Shizuo turned around and _almost_ wanted to laugh at the sight. Now Izaya was getting the crap beat out of from Mikado of all people! That would be out of character majorly for Shizuo, and I ain't typing that shit up.

Celty, being Celty, did laugh. Even though she didn't have a head, she was laughing for sure. Walker and Erika took pictures with their cellphones while they were laughing their asses off. Tom and Kadota, who randomly came in, both gaped, wanting to laugh at the irony of it all.

Izaya, despite getting punched at by Mikado, and getting laughing at, started to laugh like a maniac. "You know Mika-Chan, it's my birthday today, right?"

Staring at Izaya, Mikado's left eye twitched and he punched again at Izaya's face. This time, more harder of a punch. Oh, and Shizuo and Celty joined in on the beating up Izaya spree.

And that's how Izaya's totally unplanned trolling birthday went!


End file.
